


Borrowed Time

by Loveandcoffeeandothersimplicities



Category: The Flash (TV 2014)
Genre: Anxiety, Depression, F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-10-16
Updated: 2018-11-28
Packaged: 2019-08-03 06:58:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 14,762
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16321352
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Loveandcoffeeandothersimplicities/pseuds/Loveandcoffeeandothersimplicities
Summary: If one chooses the path of least resistance, will the other fellow their lead or fight for them at all possible cost? Snowbarry.





	1. Chapter 1

Caitlin knew that she was walking a dangerous line. Leaving the night of Iris's party. She hadn't told anyone, not even her best friend, that she had ended up taking the serum Julian created. What she wasn't counting on for was it to make her ill. The serum in itself did its job: it took away her powers. It also, however, left her falling ill to a disease she had yet to find a cure for. She didn't want her friends to know, not when they were all attempting to be more civilized to one another after the previous year. So, in an attempt to not draw attention to herself, she went to the party for a little bit, had a couple of glasses of champagne, then made up an excuse as to why she needed to leave early.

Iris, who had had a fair amount more to drink than her, wrapped her arms around her friend, giggling.

"Caitlin, thank you so much for coming," she squealed, and Caitlin supported her up. She nodded, smiling slightly.

"Anytime, Iris. I wish you and Barry nothing but a life full of happiness," she murmured, throat catching. Perhaps Iris heard because she looked up at her.

"Are you alright?" Iris asked, and Caitlin nodded.

"Fine. Just really happy for two of my friends," she replied. Iris searched her face, seemingly satisfied with what she found because she was giggling again a moment later.

"I need more champagne," she announced, and Felicity was quick to supply the choice of beverage. Caitlin glanced at her watch, noting she had about two hours until her flight left. She really needed to get going.

"Guys, as fun as this night has been, I need to go," she said, and Iris nodded.

"Alright, Caitlin. See you tomorrow. Take something for the hangover," she encouraged, not quite picking up on the fact that Caitlin hadn't had near as much to drink as the other woman. She nodded anyways.

"I will," she replied. She hugged Iris, then Felicity, before grabbing her purse. With one final wave she was gone, into the night and towards her unpredictable future.

XXX

Three months later found Caitlin living in a flat in Europe. Her choice to move there was easy: her dad had said it had been his favorite place to visit. If she was going to be ill anywhere, she wanted it to be where her dad had some lasting happiness. Taking a glance in the mirror hanging over her bedside table, she sighed at the sight that greeted her.

Caitlin had always been a slim woman but the illness ate away at any meat she had on her; leaving her just bone. Her hips jutted out to the point it was almost painful if she tapped anything with them. Her ribs were in no better shape. She had sneezed one day and by the extreme amount of pain that flared up, the doctor deduced she had cracked three ribs.

As she eased herself down on the couch, sipping her coffee, she thought over to how the serum Julian had created had changed everything. True, she wasn't allowing her doppelganger to wreak havoc on the city she loved but at what cost? Her life? Sighing, it was a choice she had accepted.

Just then, there was a knock at her door and she looked up, brow furrowed. Who would be visiting her here? Who would even know to visit her here? Sitting on the couch, she debated waiting it out until the visitor left.

"I know you're in there, Caitlin Snow. I'm not leaving and we both know I have means of coming in without you opening the door. Don't make me utilize them," Barry said, and Caitlin's heart sank into her stomach. What on earth was Barry Allen doing here? Sighing, she got up and made her way to her door, tightening her sweater around her body, wincing at the pain that ignited in her ribs. Eventually, she unlocked the door.

"Thank God-Caitlin, what the hell?" Barry gasped, taking in her appearance. She knew she must look a little less than pleasant at the moment. Ignoring his horrified expression, she folded her arms across her chest.

"What are you doing here, Barry?" Caitlin demanded.

He frowned at her. "After leaving three months ago with no hint as to where you were going, you didn't honestly think I was going to let that slide, did you?"

Caitlin snorted, wincing when her ribs were jostled. "Barry, go home. Back to Iris. You shouldn't have to see me like this."

"Like what?" Barry enunciated each syllable slowly, and Caitlin breathed deeply through her nose, debating on how much to tell him. Finally, she decided on the truth.

"I'm sick."

XXX

After letting Barry in, the two friends found themselves sitting on her couch, drinking coffee. Well, Caitlin was drinking coffee; Barry was staring at her with such a deep sadness etched across his features it made her feel vulnerable. Tightening her sweater around her thin frame, she took another sip of coffee before clearing her throat.

"How's Iris?" Caitlin asked. Barry placed his hand on hers', squeezing gently.

"I'm not here to talk about that. I'm here to see what I can do to help," he said. Caitlin laughed humorlessly.

"Barry, I'm dying," she replied, watching as he winced. "Julian made the serum and it did this to me. I'm no longer Killer Frost but I'm no longer healthy, either."

"Isn't there anything we can do to reverse the effects?" Barry asked desperately, and Caitlin shook her head.

"No," she said simply. He frowned.

"It's almost as if you don't care that you're sick," he said slowly, and she shrugged.

"Why would I? Killer Frost is gone. It's what everyone wanted," she murmured.

"But at the cost of your life?" Barry asked incredulously.

"So what," Caitlin muttered, and Barry inhaled sharply, glaring at her.

"Never, under any circumstance, say that in front of me again," he growled, and Caitlin watched him.

"Go home, Barry. Be with your wife," she said softly, too tired to keep this conversation going.

"No," he replied stubbornly, and she sighed.

"Then, go check into a hotel or something. I'm due for a nap," she said simply, shooing him off the couch. She didn't wait around to watch him leave, instead choosing to succumb to her exhaustion.

XXX

A few hours later she woke up to the smell of food. Frowning sleepily, she made to get off the couch and investigate when someone cleared their throat.

"Don't get up, Cait," Barry said, walking into the living room with two plates that housed a couple of slices of pizza. She recognized them from the pizzeria down the road from her flat. She looked at Barry curiously.

"You may not care that you're sick, but I'm not giving up without a fight. So, eat," he said firmly. She rolled her eyes but accepted the pizza he handed her and took a bite. Food still tasted good to her, so at least there was that. As they ate, she thought over what it would be like when her time came. Sighing, she took another bite of pizza.

"How's Iris?" Caitlin asked for the third time, not wanting to get lost in the storm of her thoughts. It was Barry's turn to sigh.

"Uh, we called off the wedding," he muttered, and Caitlin looked at him in surprise.

"But…why?" Caitlin asked dumbly. Barry sighed as he rubbed a weary hand over his face.

"I became concerned when you disappeared without a trace. For the better part of the past three months, I became obsessed with finding you and bringing you home. As obsessed with the man in yellow, if not more," he muttered, and Caitlin furrowed her brow.

"Why would you let my leaving interfere with the love you have for Iris?" Caitlin asked, and Barry shot her a look.

"Don't pretend with me," he murmured. Suddenly, late nights at Star Labs, lingering touches, smiles that reached her eyes, all filled up Caitlin's mind.

"Barry…" she trailed off quietly, but he shook his head.

"It was always you. And now, we're going to fight like hell to get you healthy again," he said firmly. For once, she didn't want to brush off the fact that she was sick, didn't want to sweep it under the rug. She stared at him for a long moment.

"Alright," she murmured.

"Together?" Barry asked.

"Together," she replied, squeezing his hand. After all, that's how it had been since he woke up from his coma. With any luck, that's how it would be for many years to come.

Fin.

Author's note: Jesse, darling, for you! Got prompts to get to for both one shots and Abby and Me. Will get to them. Prompts accepted in the comments. Xxx


	2. Chapter 2

Caitlin and Barry talked into the evening about her options. Well, Barry talked about her options; Caitlin just hummed in all the right places. Truth be told, she simply didn't care what happened to her anymore. She knew there was no cure for her illness. She wasn't angry about that – she was just resigned to the fact that she was walking on borrowed time. She briefly wondered what would have happened if she had taken the serum when Julian first presented it to her. Would he have stuck by her while she fought an illness determined to take her down? Probably not. Sighing, she ran her fingers through her hair, noting that a few strands tugged out loosely.

"God, Caitlin," Barry croaked, eyes staring horror-struck at the strands wrapped around her fingers. Caitlin brushed her hands together, getting rid of the offending hair, before shrugging a shoulder.

"It's not even enough to be overly concerned, Barry," she replied.

"Your hair is falling out," he whispered, but she shrugged.

"Not at a fast-enough pace to be worried. I'm a doctor, remember? Trust me," she muttered. She stood up from the couch, tilting her head towards her kitchen.

"I'm going to get some more coffee," she said. "Feel free to join."

Taking her time to ease her way into her kitchen, Caitlin was mindful of every surface that posed as a potential threat to her jutting hip bones. However, she need not worry because she was able to make it to the coffee pot without smacking into anything, therefore, ultimately igniting a fiery pain inside of her. After pouring her coffee, she passed off the pot to Barry and made her way back into the living room. His quiet footsteps alerted her to the fact that he had followed her.

"Did you tell the team where I was?" Caitlin asked lowly, not wishing to be visited by any other unannounced guests. Barry shook his head.

"I said that I had found you, but not where. Of course, Cisco put up an astonishing fight to be told where you were so he could have a chance to yell at you for leaving without a goodbye," Barry added, and Caitlin smirked.

"The horror," she laughed, then touched a hand to her ribs, wincing.

"What's wrong?" Barry asked hurriedly, and Caitlin shook her head.

"Calm the panic, superhero. I just cracked a few ribs and they're still healing," she said quietly.

"How'd you crack them?" Barry's eyes narrowed, and Caitlin sighed.

"I may have sneezed the wrong way," she muttered, hoping he'd understand. He stared at her for a long moment, different emotions crossing his face. First anger; shock; disappointment; and finally, sadness. Caitlin couldn't begin to fathom what the multitude of emotions flickering across his face meant but wasn't about to ask.

"Caitlin, you need to go see a doctor," Barry urged, but she shook her head.

"Barry, I am the doctor. You don't think I've already run every test imaginable on myself to make sure there is no cure?" Caitlin asked.

"Then get a second opinion," Barry snapped, and Caitlin sighed.

"You're grasping at straws here, Barry. Any doctor with a modicum of intelligence will tell you the same thing I am: there is no cure. I am dying.

"Then we'll bring the team out here and find a cure ourselves," he said with such assuredness it almost made Caitlin smile. Instead, she rolled her eyes.

"I don't even want you to have to see me like this; what makes you think I'm going to let the team walk through my front door?" Caitlin challenged.

"So that's it? You're just going to throw the towel in and admit defeat?" Barry demanded incredulously, dark fury coloring his tone.

"I accepted my fate a long time ago. It's time you did the same," Caitlin stated quietly. In a sudden movement, Barry was on his feet.

"I won't, will not, watch one of my best friends just allow herself to wither away into nothingness," he said. Caitlin frowned at him.

"Barry, there's nothing you can do," she murmured. He shook his head.

"I need some air," he snapped, and he was gone, faster than he had ever been before.

XXX

Caitlin had barely changed into her smallest pair of yoga pants and tee-shirt before she heard a knock at her door. Rolling her eyes, she made her way towards it, and opened it, sending a glacial glare at the visitor.

"Come back to yell at me some more?" Caitlin demanded, and Barry had the decency to look ashamed of himself.

"No, Cait," he said quietly, voice hoarse. "I'm not here to fight. I'm here to help my friend."

Caitlin thawed out slightly, opening her door further. "Come in."

After leading him into her kitchen, she turned on the kettle and busied herself with making some tea. As the water boiled, Caitlin's mind ran rampant with thoughts she didn't want to deal with. Barry was going to do everything in his power to make sure she wouldn't give up fighting but that was the problem: she had given up. She had caused so much destruction as Killer Frost, she believed her illness was penance for her crimes. Sighing, she was brought back to reality when the tea kettle whistled loudly. Pouring two cups and adding tea bags, Caitlin made her way to the table.

"Have you eaten tonight?" Barry asked quietly.

"Yes, Dad, I had a sandwich before you showed up. Again," she replied, rolling her eyes.

Ignoring her jab at him, Barry looked at her thin frame. "Do I even dare ask how much you weigh?"

Caitlin snorted. "You should know better than to ask a woman her weight, Allen."

He just stared at her pointedly and she sighed. "Ranging anywhere from ninety to ninety-five pounds."

"Caitlin," Barry croaked, sounding like a wounded animal. Out of her control completely, she squeezed his hand gently.

"At least I can still manage to both eat and keep food down. The illness is just causing me to lose weight," she reminded him.

"Yeah, weight you don't have to lose," he uttered. Caitlin just shrugged a shoulder, face impassive.

They fell silent and Caitlin watched as Barry seemed to have an internal battle with himself. At long last, he looked up at her.

"Are you scared?" Barry whispered.

Caitlin sucked in a breath between her teeth. She hadn't given herself the chance to think about this. "Of dying? I'm not sure."

"Well," Barry began. "You're not going to die. Not if I have anything to say about it."

Caitlin stared at him for a long moment, assessing the situation. At long last, she sighed.

"Go home, Barry. Be with your family. You don't need to see me like this," she murmured.

"Quit being so stubborn, Caitlin Snow," he said through gritted teeth, and she laughed.

"You think I'm being stubborn?" Caitlin demanded. "I didn't ask for this, you know. I didn't accept the serum because I wanted to die. I did it so Killer Frost wouldn't be a threat. But guess what, Barry? I'm still paying for her mistakes! The only good thing out of this whole mess is that she's gone. I don't have to worry about her causing harm. So, just do me a favor and let me live with the guilt I still deal with every day and just accept my fate."

By the time she was through with her monologue, she was breathing heavily with a heaving chest. She hadn't noticed that the tears had fallen until she felt a wetness on her cheeks. Swiping at her face roughly, she took a steadying breath, before glancing at Barry who was smiling slightly.

"There's the fighter I know. Hold onto that fight, Caitlin, and we'll get you well again," he promised.

Suddenly too tired to challenge him, she simply nodded her head.

"Alright," she whispered. "Alright."

Author's note: Due to getting good reviews on my latest one shot, I decided to make it a multi chapter. I needed a new one and hope you guys like it. Let me know what you think or ideas that you want to see and I may be able to incorporate them. As always, thanks to the ever-wonderful Jesse for the prompt idea. XXX


	3. Chapter 3

Eventually, after some persuasion on her part, Caitlin convinced Barry that she'd be fine for the night and he should go to the hotel he checked into. It wasn't that she didn't appreciate his concern for her, it was that she needed some space after dropping a major truth bomb on him that left her reeling. She still wasn't used to anyone else knowing about her illness.

After he left with uttered promises of being there the next morning, she shut and locked her door, before yawning into her elbow. Caitlin hadn't had a solid night sleep in a long time. Simply put, she was exhausted. Hoping to finally be able to sleep the night through, she made her way to her bathroom, to wash her face and brush her teeth, before grabbing her sweater that rested on her doorknob and climbing into bed. It wasn't too long before she slipped off into sleep.

XXX

The next morning dawned bright and cold and, for Caitlin, with some agitation from her ribs. Breathing deeply through the pain, Caitlin laid in bed, willing for the pain to pass before she began her day. Eventually, she heard a knock and knew who it'd be. Getting to her feet slowly, she made her way to her front door, answering it with a quiet, "good morning, Barry."

"You're pale. Are you alright?" Barry asked in concern, and she sighed.

"Yes. I'm fine, thank you. What's in the bag?" Caitlin asked pointedly, staring at the bag in his hands.

"Oh, right, croissants," he said, and she quirked an eyebrow.

"Really falling into the culture, aren't you?" Caitlin teased.

"I'm nothing if not predictable, Ms. Snow," Barry quipped, tone light. She shook her head fondly, before ushering him inside and away from the bitterly cold morning. They made their way into her kitchen where Caitlin switched on the coffee pot. The sound of the water dripping and the scent of beans circulated around her kitchen, filling her home with a heavenly smell. When the coffee was ready, they carried the breakfast food and beverages through the kitchen and into her living room, where they sat down in a comfortable and companionable silence.

As she ate her breakfast, she could feel Barry's eyes on her, and knew he was bidding his time.

"Just ask," she murmured, and he bit his lip.

"H-How are you feeling this morning?" Barry whispered, and she shrugged.

"Pretty much the same as yesterday. Not too bad but not too good either. I'm sort of just…at a standstill with my health," she admitted truthfully.

Barry sighed as he ran his fingers through his hair.

"Cait, I really wish you would go see another set of doctors. Or, let me fly the team out here. Anything to get a second opinion," he muttered, but she was already shaking her head.

"Barry," she began gently. "There is nothing a second opinion that could say that would make the inevitable stop. I understand if you're too stubborn to leave me alone while I steadily get worse, but please respect my decision to not let anybody else see me like this. Especially the team."

"And, what about Cisco?" Barry challenged. "He's your best friend."

"Exactly," Caitlin emphasized. "You think I want his last memory of me to be one that looks like this?" She spread her arms open, gesturing at her stick thin frame. Barry, it seemed, didn't have a rebuttal for that. Sighing, he nodded in defeat, deflating in front of her.

XXX

When their breakfast was through, Caitlin asked the question she had been most curious about since his unannounced arrival.

"What's Central City doing without the Flash?" Caitlin wondered.

"Wally is managing to hold down the fort while Vibe and Harry are helping him," Barry replied.

"And the precinct?" Caitlin asked, and Barry shrugged.

"They'll survive," he said simply.

"You're not really giving them much of a choice. I doubt you left with an estimated time of return," she speculated.

"It's an indefinite hiatus," Barry responded, and she decided not to push any further. She knew exactly what he was giving up to be there with her. But, that was the thing: she didn't ask him to do that. Biting back the impulse to tell him he was being an idiot, she simply nodded.

"Well, I hope there's no immediate danger that you miss out on," she murmured.

"It'll be fine," Barry dismissed.

"This is Central City we're talking about," Caitlin deadpanned, and he chuckled; it seemed to bring some light back into his eyes at the very least.

"Well, I think it'll be fine," he amended, smile still toying at his lips. She shook her head, laughing softly.

"Now that we've had breakfast, what would you like to do for the day?" Caitlin asked, and Barry looked at her.

"Can you do anything?" Barry asked nervously, and she sighed.

"Please don't treat me any differently; please don't treat me as if I were delicate," Caitlin said gently. She knew his heart was in the right place but the last thing Caitlin Snow needed was for her illness to stop letting her live her life. She'd fight to enjoy the rest of her life until she couldn't anymore.

Barry nodded. "Right. Sorry. Uh, we can see the city?"

Caitlin smiled encouragingly at him. "Of course, superhero. I'm assuming it's your first time in Europe? You may as well get some sight-seeing in while here."

"Where would you like to go?" Barry asked.

"We could go into London. It's beautiful, even when bitterly cold," Caitlin replied, and he nodded.

They bundled up into their jackets. Well, Caitlin did. Barry was already dressed for the cold morning.

"I'm assuming we're not flashing there?" Barry asked, and Caitlin laughed.

"Oh, no, no need to utilize your speed for everything," she reminded him. No need to tell the poor guy that he'd probably crack a few more ribs on their run. He nodded.

"That's fair," he conceded. Soon enough, they were locking up and walking down the street that lead into the city.

XXX

London was busy this time of morning, what with the busy shoppers and employees rushing to work. That was the other thing about Caitlin: she hadn't really found a steady job yet. Sure, she worked at a clinic in the heart of the city three times a week and it paid semi-decently, but it wasn't enough to keep her occupied. However, she knew that in her condition, work wasn't a luxury she was easily granted, so opted to be grateful for what time she did have for it.

Caitlin and Barry meandered their way through the throng of people, talking amicably as they did so. As she moved, Caitlin kept a conscious thought on her ribs and made sure she tilted her body just the right amount so people wouldn't jostle into them. While not one hundred percent healed yet, they were healing at a nice rate and she didn't want to set that back in any way.

They spent the morning taking in all the shops that lined the cobble-stoned streets, before going to a café for lunch. After ordering a club sandwich and coffee for herself, Caitlin sat down at the table Barry had picked out.

"How're you feeling?" Barry asked, and she quirked an eyebrow at him.

"I'm fine," she replied.

"You don't feel tired or anything?" Barry prompted, and she sighed.

"Barry," she murmured gently. "I'm going to have good days and I'm going to have bad days. On the bad days, I'll be exhausted. On the good days, I won't be. Today is a good day."

He stared at her for a long moment, taking in everything about her expression before nodding.

"Alright," he acquiesced.

They fell silent then, enjoying their lunches. Caitlin was briefly thinking about how good a nap sounded to her when Barry cleared his throat and she looked at him curiously.

"I was thinking about something to help you put weight on," he said, and Caitlin chuckled.

"Every woman's favorite words to hear," she teased, and he rolled his eyes, not impressed with her feeble attempt at humor. She nodded.

"Right, sorry. You were saying?" Caitlin prompted.

"I was saying," Barry pressed on. "We need to come up with a way to help you gain some of the weight you lost and I think I know how to do it."

"How?" Caitlin asked curiously.

"We make calorie bars. Like you did for me back in Central City," he explained, and Caitlin tilted her head to the side, assessing him and his suggestion. At long last, she nodded.

"I think I can come up with something," she agreed, and Barry broke into a relieved grin.

"Thanks," he said, and Caitlin nodded.

"Ninety pounds doesn't look good on anybody," she admitted with a shrug, and Barry frowned.

"No, it doesn't," he said quietly. Caitlin heard the pain in his voice but wasn't sure if he could. Deciding not to press the topic anymore, she looked at his empty plate.

"You through, hero, or do you need something else?" Caitlin teased, and he laughed.

"I'm through."

"Then, let's go," she murmured, and they were up, and out of the café, onto the rest of their day.

Author's note: I dedicate this chapter to Eliley and Snowbarry Family. I hope you enjoy. Xxx


	4. Chapter 4

Caitlin and Barry walked through the city for the rest of the lunch hour and well into the early afternoon. Caitlin was proud of herself. While tired, she hadn't suggested they end their day early so she could get a nap. When Barry too had enough, he looked at Caitlin.

"You ready to call it a day?" Barry asked, and she nodded, soft smile tugging at her lips. They had browsed the shops that lined the streets; she even got to go into the apothecary she favored and picked up some of her favorite sage for her flat. She was happy.

"Yeah, let's go," she replied. They headed back down the road they took from her apartment earlier that morning, content with just having light conversation flow between them. By the time they got back to her apartment, Caitlin was even more tired, something Barry picked up on.

"You look dead on your feet, Cait," he said, then froze, eyes going wide at what she could only presume were his choices of words. Laughing, she shook her head fondly.

"It is okay to joke, you know," she reminded him. "I'm not going to get mad."

Barry still looked mortified, so she squeezed his shoulder gently. "Honestly, it's okay, Barry. If I can't laugh at my situation then what's the point?"

He stared at her for a long moment before eventually loosening his stiff posture.

"You're right, Cait," he replied. She smiled softly at him, and he gifted her with his own smile. She glanced at her watch at that moment.

"But, you are right. I am exhausted. I usually have a nap around this time and I think I need one now. Are you going to be okay to go back to your hotel for a bit?" Caitlin asked, and Barry bit his lip.

"Or I could stay here and make myself useful," he offered hopefully. Caitlin scrutinized him for a moment before eventually nodding.

"Just, don't break anything," she teased.

XXX

As Caitlin slept, she dreamt. In her dream she was a little girl, sitting on her father's lap one Christmas Eve while he read from a children's story book that their next-door-neighbor had given her as an early Christmas present. Her father's warm and gentle voice made Caitlin feel safe, even as she slept. It wrapped around her, warming every dark crevice inside of her. She slept peacefully knowing, even in her sleep, that she was safe with her father.

When Caitlin eventually did wake up, it took her a moment to come back to herself. Blinking, she glanced around her room through sleepy eyes, trying to make sense of her surroundings. As her senses came back to her, she heard gentle singing floating throughout her flat and knew Barry hadn't gone to his hotel. Rolling her eyes, she got out of bed, pulling on her sweater before making her way into the kitchen.

She paused against the doorjamb and watched as her friend cooked something that smelt strongly like grilled cheeses. He was singing and flipping the sandwiches in the skillet. It all felt very…domesticated. In ways that it shouldn't. Licking her lips nervously, Caitlin cleared her throat softly to alert her friend to the fact that he had an audience. Her action had the desired effect: he turned around, halting his song, and looked at her.

"How long have you been standing there?" Barry asked curiously, and Caitlin shrugged a nonchalant shoulder.

"Not long. Smells good in here," she commented, walking towards the stove to peek at the food. The bread looked nice and golden, and crispy; the cheese gooey and warm. Inhaling the scent of the sandwiches, her stomach reared it's head hopefully.

As if sensing her stomach's approval, he smiled. "It'll be ready in a couple of minutes. Do you want some coffee?"

"Coffee would be great," she said appreciatively, noting the full pot for the first time. She poured herself a cup, then him, before watching him turn off the stove and plate up the sandwiches. As becoming tradition, they carried the food into her living room and began eating.

"How was your nap?" Barry asked. Thinking about her father and the way his calming voice had a soothing effect on her, Caitlin shrugged, not quite ready to share those intimate details with her old friend.

"Good enough," she replied, taking another bite of her sandwich. Barry looked at her curiously but didn't press for more details, for which she was immensely grateful. She didn't want to reopen old wounds. It was just as she was going for a sip of coffee did things take a turn. She coughed once, into her elbow. A long, drawn out cough that wracked through her thin frame, causing her chest to heave.

"Are you alright?" Barry asked in concern, and she nodded, waving off his concern. She could taste the bitter taste of copper in the back of her throat and knew that if she had coughed into her hands or a tissue, there would have been blood. Swallowing discreetly, the coughing subsided and she took a sip of her cough, inhaling shakily as she did so. When she had control over herself again, she sent a sheepish smile to her friend.

"Relax superhero, I'm alright," she assured him softly when she noted the panicked expression etched into his features. After watching her carefully for a moment more, Barry relaxed his tensed posture and went back to eating, uttering a quiet, "alright," as he did so.

Suddenly, with the remaining taste of blood coating the back of her throat, Caitlin didn't want to finish her food – she had lost her appetite. However, the last thing she wanted to endure was a lecture from Barry about the importance of eating while one's health was declining so she sucked up her misery and polished off her sandwich, trying not to let her discomfort show.

Barry seemed to buy her words, because he was changing topics a moment later. "So, the calorie bars?"

Caitlin nodded her head. "Ah, yes. Those. I can pick up the ingredients that I'll need for them tomorrow after work."

That caused Barry to pause. "You're working?"

"Just because I'm sick doesn't mean I'm going to stop living my life, Barry. How do you think I'm affording this place?" Caitlin asked, eyebrow quirked. Barry sighed, running his fingers through his hair.

"Hadn't really given it much thought," he admitted honestly, and she chuckled.

"Well, I can't very well stay here for free. No, I work about three times a week, sometimes four, at the local hospital," she murmured, and Barry sent her a worried look.

"Aren't you worried about getting your patients sick?" Barry asked.

"My illness is not contagious," she reminded him gently, and he sighed.

"It is utterly unfair that you have to go through this," he muttered, and Caitlin chuckled.

"Perks of your doppelganger wreaking havoc on the city you once loved," she shrugged, and he frowned at her.

"Once?" Barry parroted, and she sighed.

"I don't know if I could go back there. Not with everything that happened. My home is here now. It's where I want to be when…," she trailed off, unsure of how to carry on with her sentence. Barry got the gist, however.

"When you die?" Barry supplied quietly, eyes downcast. Caitlin just nodded.

"Do you even care about fighting, Caitlin?" Barry asked sharply, and she closed her eyes, pinching the bridge of her nose. Deciding not to answer him, she changed the topic.

"I'll make the calorie bars tomorrow," she murmured with an air of finality, and she knew Barry knew the conversation was over.

Author's note: Enjoy! Xxx


	5. Chapter 5

Caitlin marveled at the fact that, after two weeks, Barry was still in Europe with her. He hadn't grown bothered with the fact that he was away from his home and his friends. If anything, Caitlin would hazard a guess to say he was perfectly content to be where he was. It was mind-boggling and offered up a plethora of reasons as to why that may be.

"Dr. Snow?" A soft voice called and Caitlin glanced up from the files she was consulting to spot Mia, a patient who needed a bone marrow donor. Smiling, Caitlin tilted her head curiously at the young teenager.

"Yes, Mia?" Caitlin asked.

"I just wanted to say you-you seem happier lately," Mia said, tucking her hair behind her ear. Caitlin considered her thoughtfully, thinking over the words she spoke. Was it true? Was Caitlin happier? There wasn't much that could be done about the predicament she found herself in, but there was something that could be said about being surrounded by an old friend. A stubborn, old friend at that.

"I think I am happier," she admitted honestly, knowing the shy seventeen-year-old was intuitive. She would have surely picked up on the fact that Caitlin sometimes struggled to get through the day, despite how hard Caitlin tried to never allow her illness to affect her work.

Mia hummed a little. "That's good to hear, Dr. Snow."

Caitlin smiled at her, thinking the conversation was done. It was when she looked back up from her clipboard did she spot Mia still standing there.

"Did you need something, Mia?" Caitlin asked kindly. She knew the soft-spoken teenager had already had her daily dose of medications and had eaten. Perhaps she was wanting the card for the library that resided on the third floor. Mia bit her lip, looking unsure.

"Do you think it's scary?" Mia asked softly, and Caitlin's brow furrowed.

"Is what scary, sweetheart?" Caitlin asked.

"Dying?" Mia whispered, and Caitlin's heart bled. Here was this girl who was so young and who should have been looking forward to prom dates and graduation but instead, was in a hospital, hoping and praying for a match in the list of donors. Caitlin placed her clipboard down and walked around to where she was directly in front of the girl. Looking her in the eye, Caitlin began to speak.

"It's not fair that you're in here, fighting for your life, Mia," she said quietly. "But, what I have come to know about you is you're a resilient human being, determined to beat your illness. Don't give up on the hope that it gets better."

Mia thought over her words and Caitlin gave her all the time she needed, before the young girl split into a rare smile.

"Thanks, Dr. Snow," she murmured, and Caitlin placed a motherly hand on her shoulder.

"Anytime, Mia," she smiled. Mia nodded once, then turned on her heel, and walked away, leaving Caitlin with an ache in her heart at the thought of the pain she was in.

XXX

By the time Caitlin got home, she was tired. She unlocked her door and let herself inside, unsurprised when the smell of grilled cheeses filtered into her senses.

"Hey, Barry," she called, and he appeared a moment later, grinning.

"Hey, Cait," he replied, then took a moment to assess her. Perhaps he noted the exhaustion emanating off her in waves because he frowned.

"Long day at work?" Barry asked. Thinking back to Mia's question, she sighed.

"The longest," she muttered, kicking off her shoes and hanging up her coat. She looked at the spatula in his hand.

"Grilled cheeses?" Caitlin asked with a tilt of her head and he nodded.

"With salads," he added, and she smiled appreciatively at the fact that he added something healthy to their dinner menu. She never really ate much during the day, opting to munch on calorie bars for breakfast and lunch. So far, the calorie bars had had the desired effect Barry and Caitlin were hoping for. She had put on about seven pounds. Not an outrageous amount, but enough to make Caitlin feel a little bit proud about her body fighting back.

When dinner was ready, they made their way into her living room per usual and sat down. Caitlin took a bite of her sandwich, thinking over her day and Mia's question. The young girl didn't seemed scared when asking about death; she seemed resigned. Caitlin didn't know which emotion was worse. Sighing, she stabbed a forkful of lettuce, causing Barry to look up in surprise.

"Uh, Caitlin?" Barry asked, and she cut her eyes to him. "What did that salad ever do to you?"

Caitlin sighed, deflating like a hot air balloon with a puncture. "It's not the salad."

"I know," he replied simply. "Want to talk about it?"

Caitlin bit her lip, thinking over her options for a moment before deciding it'd be nice to confide in someone outside of the hospital. Nodding her head, she began to talk.

"I have this patient. Seventeen-year-old girl who's on the waiting list for a bone marrow transplant," she murmured. "She asked me something today and I don't think I've fully recovered from the shock of it."

"What'd she ask you?" Barry asked quietly.

"If dying was scary," she whispered, heart clenching once more at the fact that Mia had sounded resigned; had sounded as if she had accepted her fate. Barry inhaled sharply.

"That's too much for someone her age to have to think about, let alone ask," he muttered. Caitlin hummed.

"What'd you say?" Barry asked quietly.

"That she was a resilient person; a fighter. She could beat her illness," Caitlin murmured.

"Cait," Barry said softly, but she shook her head.

"I don't want to talk about it, Barry," she said.

"We have to talk about it," he implored. Caitlin closed her eyes when she felt moisture gather. Inhaling shakily, she spoke again.

"What do you want me to say, Barry?" Caitlin asked.

"I want you to say that you're like your patient. That you're resilient, too, and will beat your illness instead of just accepting it and giving up," he said firmly.

Caitlin knew her friend had a point; knew that there was some truth behind his urgent words. Sighing, she opened her eyes once the moisture had dissipated.

"I'm scared," she admitted lowly. It was the first time she had voiced her true fears. Barry looked like he was about to say something but she held up a hand, halting him. If she didn't get this out now, she didn't know if she ever would.

"I'm scared of dying. Scared of leaving behind everything I know," she said. "When I'm at work, tending to my patients, it's easy to pretend like there's nothing scary about my situation. However, in the middle of the night, I find myself awake sometimes, simply laying there, terrified. I often wonder if this is how my father felt when his illness took over his body. For the last few months of his life he was so sick he was practically immobile. Is that going to be me? Am I going to be so ill that I can't do anything anymore?"

"Not if you fight," Barry said with conviction, placing his hand firmly over hers', food forgotten. Caitlin looked at him.

"Barry," she began, but he shook his head.

"No, Caitlin. It's time you listened to reason: you need a doctor. Hell, a team of doctors would be better. You need medical professionals doing their damnedest to help you. You cannot fight your battles on your own anymore," he said firmly. Caitlin flickered her eyes all over his face, taking in everything about his earnest expression, before eventually relenting.

"Alright," she sighed. "What do you suggest?"

"It's time we flew the team out here," he said, and Caitlin nodded, knowing he was right.

Author's note: Mia is going to be a critical character, so get ready to see more of her. Someone asked if I was accepting ideas/prompts for this story, and I am! If you have something you'd like to see, just drop a comment and I'll see if I can incorporate it into the storyline. I know things that I already want to happen down the road so we'll see how ideas correlate. Enjoy! Xxx


	6. Chapter 6

Harry and Cisco were in Europe by the end of the week, Iris and Wally opting to stay behind to handle the city. Caitlin, who had gone to bed earlier than normal, assured Barry she was perfectly up for riding to the airport with him. A small part, no matter how overshadowed by fear of what he would think, was excited to see her best friend. It had been too long for her and she missed his geeky references and sarcastic quips. Once at the airport, it didn't take long for Barry or Caitlin to spot Cisco and Harry waiting for them. Smile on her face, Caitlin hurried her pace to get to her best friend that much quicker.

"Cisco!" Caitlin exclaimed, wrapping her arms around his shoulders. She felt his arms automatically lock around her thin waistline. "I've missed you."

"That's what you get for leaving without a goodbye," he told her severely, but there was a twinkle in his eye that had definitely been missed in her current predicament. She ducked her head down guiltily.

"Sorry," she murmured, smiling threatening to splay itself across her lips. It was when they broke out of their hug did Cisco get a true look at Caitlin.

"God, Caitlin," he uttered, staring at her thin frame. She squeezed his bicep gently.

"I looked worse before the calorie bars," she assured him softly. He looked at Barry, he nodded his head.

"Cait's right, Cisco. While not at a great rate, she's slowly getting her weight back. You should've seen her when I first arrived," he said.

"Yeah, I was a skeleton," Caitlin joked, receiving three frowns from her family in response.

"Relax guys," she rolled her eyes. She glanced at her watch. "We need to get going now if we want a bite to eat before my shift at the hospital."

"I still can't believe you're working," Cisco muttered.

"Got to pay the bills somehow," Caitlin replied cheerfully. "My flat isn't exactly cheap."

"Yeah, well, if you had staye-"Cisco began, but Caitlin caught Barry stepping on his foot out of the corner of her eye, with a mumbled, "don't". She felt immensely grateful to her friend for his intervention. She just rolled her eyes and hailed a cab down for them all to climb into.

XXX

After a quick lunch of chicken sandwiches, Caitlin excused herself from the restaurant to assure herself she'd make it work on time. Once there, she began daily routines, stopping outside of Mia's room on her last round of the afternoon.

"Hello, Mia," she greeted the teenager. Mia looked up from the book she was reading, legs curled up underneath of her, like that of a cat, and smiled.

"Hello, Dr. Snow," she murmured.

"You can call me Caitlin, you know," she told the young woman. Mia just shrugged.

"But you're a doctor," she replied simply. "And as such, you deserve to be acknowledged as one."

Caitlin was sometimes simply floored by how wise beyond her years Mia was. She smiled at her and began checking her IV in her hand. After making sure there was a steady stream of medication following through the tube, she looked back at Mia.

"Anyone ask you to the prom yet?" Caitlin asked, and Mia looked at her dumbfoundedly.

"Who would want to take a sick teenager to the prom?" Mia asked incredulously, and Caitlin sighed.

"Mia, you can't let your illness stop you from living you life. You deserve to have the same amount of fun as every other teenager, even if it is for only one night," she replied gently. Mia looked down.

"Th-There's someone I want to ask me, but he thinks of me as his best friend, nothing more," she muttered, and Caitlin recalled the teenage guy she saw somewhat regularly at the hospital. Squeezing Mia's shoulder, she gifted the girl with a kind smile.

"Sometimes, best friends is a good as any place to start a relationship," she murmured before leaving the room, giving Mia time to think about what she said.

The rest of the day passed with relative ease and she soon found herself unlocking her door to her flat. The voices that immediately reached her ears clued her into the fact that her team was waiting for. Shrugging out of her jacket, she walked into the living room where three of the most important people in her life were sitting.

"Hey, Cait, how was the hospital?" Barry asked quietly, and she knew he was thinking about what she had told him in regard to Mia. She smiled.

"Better," she replied. "Gave a little bit of advice to some patients and did my work."

Barry grinned at her, eyes swimming with pride, and something bloomed inside of Caitlin's chest. Not sure she wanted to address what that feeling was, she pushed it down inside of her, tucking it away for a later day. She sat down on the couch, accepting the cup of tea Cisco had handed her.

"What are you guys working on?" Caitlin asked curiously. It was Harry who spoke up.

"Well, Snow," he began in that quiet voice of his. "We're looking at ways to get your white blood cells less elevated."

"Sounds like that'll involve a lot of testing," she muttered. Harry grinned.

"I'm anything if not thorough, Snow," he replied.

She looked at Barry, who was nodding encouragingly at her, then Cisco, who looked so hopeful he might burst. She sighed.

"Fine," she caved. "But, hear me when I say this: this will, in no way, affect my life or work."

"Snow," Harry began but she halted him with a hand held up.

"No, Harry. I have a life here I enjoy. I have a job here. I made peace with my illness. I'm only agreeing to these tests because you three are so hellbent on defying my wishes," she said.

Cisco snorted at that. "Hellbent? You're the one who's too stubborn to even admit she's being stubborn."

Caitlin raised an eyebrow at him. "Thanks."

Cisco huffed, pulled out a lollipop from his pocket, and popped it into his mouth.

Shaking her head at his antics, she looked at Harry and Barry.

"Can we all agree that my life doesn't come to a standstill while trying to preserve my health?" Caitlin asked, and Barry looked at her for a long time; so long, in fact, that the feeling bloomed in her chest again.

"Caitlin," he said quietly, and she looked at him. "If we do this your way, you can't, cannot neglect yourself. Even for a minute. If you let something happen to yourself that sets back progress, I'm personally holding you accountable, do you understand me?"

The tension was tangible. Caitlin looked him for a long moment before nodding slowly.

"I understand you," she exhaled.

"Then, let's get started."

Author's notes: And so it begins. Xxx


	7. Chapter 7

Harry and Cisco were awake and working on things for Caitlin's recovery as soon as she stumbled into the kitchen the next morning, on a desperate hunt for coffee. Looking at them momentarily, she internally rolled her eyes and headed towards the coffee pot that had been so generously turned on already. After pouring hers' black, she made her way to the table, and sat down in a chair.

"Figure out how to keep me alive yet?" Caitlin asked cheerfully, intermixing a smidge of sarcasm through her words, too. Cisco noticed and frowned.

"You may not be taking this seriously but don't think for one second I'm going to give up on your stubborn self," he muttered, and Caitlin just took another sip of coffee, falling silent.

She knew Cisco meant well, truly. It was just that she had been down this road before. Trying to find a cure for her dad only to have him die. She knew she wasn't going to be gifted with much better than he had. Taking another sip as the memories washed over her, a distraction in the shape of Barry interrupted her thoughts.

"Thought I smelt coffee," he said, yawning. Caitlin tilted her head towards the pot.

"We might need to make a fresh one, though," she warned him, but he shrugged and poured himself what was left. Coming to stand next to Harry, he looked over his shoulder at the research he was conducing.

"What is that?" Barry asked.

"A count of Snow's white blood cells," Harry replied, eyes and fingers tantamount with one another as he slid film under the microscope he was looking through. Caitlin looked up in surprise.

"How on earth did you get that?" Caitlin demanded incredulously, knowing full well she didn't just happen to have a count of her white blood cells lying around at Star Labs. Harry didn't miss a beat.

"I took some of your blood from when you got stabbed by Abra Kadabra and had to walk Julian through your surgery," he murmured, eye still glued to the microscope. Her lack of response had him looking up for the briefest of moments.

"Purely scientific research, Snow," he assured quietly, and, while it did little to assuage her worry as to why he thought that was necessary, she dropped it. Taking another sip of her coffee, she glanced at her watch, then back to Barry.

"You ready to go, superhero?" Caitlin quirked an eyebrow at him, and he nodded. Cisco looked up.

"Where are you guys going?" Cisco wondered, and Caitlin shrugged.

"Barry and I are going to the hospital so I can pick up a bit of my equipment. While he promised to go easy on how often he badgered me to not go to work, I promised to bring some of my work home so I wouldn't have to go in as frequently," she replied, and Cisco nodded, satisfied with that answer. Again, she internally rolled her eyes. Honestly, contract one tiny illness, and it was as if the world was crumbling. Boys.

XXX

Caitlin and Barry stepped out of the cab just as it began to downpour. Laughing, they darted inside the hospital before they could register just how drenched they had gotten. Taking a good look at herself in the elevator reflection while taking a ride to the floor she worked on, Caitlin laughed.

"God, I look so pale," she mused, and Barry looked at her, inhaling sharply. She furrowed her brow, wondering what she said wrong, before it clicked.

"I meant from the rain, Barry," she chided him gently. "It always leaves me paler than normal."

That seemed to loosen some of the tension wrinkles around his eyes, and he nodded quickly. The elevator pinged just then and they walked out onto the floor Caitlin worked. Barry took a look around and she watched as eyes took in all the brightly lit decorations, the flowers painted on the walls, and the artwork decorating every surface.

"It's very cheerful here," he commented.

"That's the idea," Caitlin agreed. "To make our patients feel relaxed while they're so sick they have to stay with us for an extended amount of time."

"How come you don't bring any of that cheerfulness into your own life with you?" Barry asked quietly, and Caitlin sighed.

"Now's not the time to be discussing me," she reminded him. He opened his mouth but just then a voice called down the hall.

"Dr. Snow?"

Caitlin looked up and spotted Mia wheeling her way to her. If she was out of bed and wheeling around in her wheel chair, today was undoubtedly a good day. Caitlin smiled, looked at Barry briefly, and indicated he should follow her.

"Hello, Mia," she said, smiling down at the teenager.

"Don't you ever go home?" Mia asked, and Caitlin let out a peal of laughter.

"But I get so bored there," she countered, and Mia rolled her eyes, albeit in the same shy tendency she always did things in. Mia cast a curious look to Barry just then, and Caitlin quickly introduced them.

"Mia, this is my friend Barry; Barry, this Mia, one of my patients," she said, and Barry smiled kindly at her.

"Hello, Mia," he said.

"Hello, Barry," she murmured. Just then, she looked at Caitlin.

"I thought about what you said yesterday, Dr. Snow," she murmured, and Caitlin looked at her inquisitively.

"About the prom and my best friend," she elaborated, and Caitlin nodded.

"Yes, and did he ask you?" Caitlin asked with a smile. Mia quickly shook her head.

"No," she admitted, and Caitlin frowned, understanding the young girl's sadness.

"But," she continued, with an almost sly smile. "I asked him."

Caitlin looked at her, slow grin stretching her lips.

"You did?" Caitlin asked excitedly, and Mia nodded.

"And he said yes! When I get out of here in a couple of weeks, he's going to take me dress shopping with my mom, then we're going to go pick out his tuxedo. He even said he'd make reservations at my favorite Italian restaurant," she exclaimed, and Caitlin, while happy for her, needed to remind her not to do too much upon her discharge from the hospital, lest she set recovery back.

"That's great, Mia, but remember to keep a watchful eye on your health as well, okay? I'd hate to see you back in here so soon," she said gently. Mia's face fell slightly.

"I will," she murmured, looking down at the tires on her wheelchair. Hating herself slightly, Caitlin put on a more genuine smile.

"You'll have a lovely time," she insisted, before squeezing Mia on the shoulder and walking towards her office to go get some of her supplies, Barry following behind her.

"Is she always that shy?" Barry asked, and Caitlin hummed.

"Yes, ever since I've met her. She's quiet. And been dealt a harsh hand in life. It's unfair that she must go through an illness like this just when her life should truly be about to start," she murmured, opening her office door.

"It know that goes for you too, right?" Barry asked quietly, and she looked up at him, expression tender.

"You're a really good friend, you know that?" Caitlin murmured, once again feeling that odd sensation blooming in her chest when she looked at him. She had only felt it for one other person and she wasn't about to entertain the idea that she was seriously starting feel it for Barry, too.

Barry smiled. "I know."

They didn't say anymore, but then again, they didn't need to. Their comfortable silence as they carried on throughout the day was all Caitlin needed as a life floater.


	8. Chapter 8

Caitlin stared blindly at her hands, not registering anything around her. All she heard were the doctor's words manifesting themselves in her mind.

You can't bear children.

Out of everything that could've possibly cemented the severity of her illness, this was the nail in the coffin for Caitlin. She sat still, stiller than she had ever been, (including the time she was tied to a chair with a bomb ready to go off). It was like she was under water; her sense of hearing had disappeared that much. She couldn't have children. It wasn't something she had given much thought to lately, what with being ill in the first place, but now? Now it seemed like that was all she could think about. She stood up hurriedly, finding the office suffocating.

"Thank you, Miranda," Caitlin uttered to her friend and colleague before hurrying out of the office and down to hallway. She waved feebly to the few patients who caught a glimpse of her on her mad quest to get as far away from the hospital as she could. Had she slowed down for even a fraction of a second, perhaps she would've noticed a shy teenager regarding her carefully, eyes crinkled with worry much too old for her youthful face. But, she didn't.

Caitlin barely made it to the outside of the hospital before she was heaving the contents of her stomach into a nearby trashcan. Spluttering, (and repulsed that she had been reduced to this mess of a person), Caitlin inhaled shakily once she was through and straightened up. Wiping the back of her hand across her mouth, she straightened out her clothes, ignored the looks she got from passerby and began the walk to the coffee shop down the street, desperate for the opportunity to taste the hot liquid.

When Caitlin got to the coffee shop, she heard her phone buzzing. Glancing down at it, she spotted three missed calls from Cisco, four texts from Barry, and an email from Harry. Not opening, (or, listening), to them all, she got the gist of what they were about after the first couple. Where was she? Why did she leave without telling anybody where she was going? Was she hurt? On and on it went until the words were swimming around in her mind, leaving her dizzy. Deciding to be as brief as possible with her response, she sent a group text to the three of them, explaining that she had had errands to run that day and she'd be home later. Then, she shut her phone off and slid it away from her.

XXX

As Caitlin walked the streets of her home aimlessly, she was hit with a tidal wave of overwhelming sadness every time she saw a child. Not knowing if she wanted one and being told she couldn't have one were two very different things that were wreaking havoc on her emotions. She wasn't even aware that she had started crying until she felt her skin turn raw red from the trail of wet tears being swept away in the bitter cold. Catching one of the droplets, Caitlin stared at it, wanting to laugh at the absurdity of it.

She was walking on borrowed time. Why should she be disappointed that her illness had, yet again, robbed her of another thing? It wasn't like she'd be able to watch her child grow up. That realization left a bitter taste in her mouth – like acid – and she was desperate to push it back down. Fingers fumbling, she pulled out her phone, and clicked on one of her contacts after turning it on. Sucking in a wavering breath, she prayed they'd pick up.

"Hello?"

"Barry. I-I need you to meet me."

XXX

Barry showed up just as she was starting to retreat into herself again. No, Caitlin, no. Don't do that. You can't be helped if you hide.

"Caitlin? Hey, what's wrong?" Barry asked quietly, bending down to peer up into her eyes. Caitlin stared at him for a long moment, wondering how on earth she was supposed to say the words out loud when she could barely stand to think them.

"I'm out of coffee," she whispered instead. "And, it's really cold."

"Do you want me to catch us a cab back to the flat? You can take a hot shower," Barry said.

Caitlin shook her head. She wasn't ready to deal with everyone else. Surely, once the secret was out, everyone would be offering everything from condolences to what they believed was sound advice. She wasn't sure how anyone could expect her to stomach that.

"I really just want another cup of coffee and then maybe to sit here for a bit longer," she murmured, staring at her hands. Barry blew out his breath and it fanned across Caitlin's face. He smelt distinctly like cinnamon and she briefly found herself wondering if his lips would taste the same. Before she could focus on that thought, Barry was gone, and back again, cup of coffee in his hand.

"Barry!" Caitlin hissed, looking around at the now almost empty sidewalk.

"No one saw," he clarified, and she nodded, thumbing her coffee lid. Out of her peripheral she spotted Barry sitting down next to her.

"Want to talk about it?" Barry asked lowly.

"Talk about what?" Caitlin asked quietly.

"Whatever it is that had you so upset you called me and not Cisco, who's your best friend," he murmured. Caitlin shrugged a weary shoulder.

"I didn't want to worry him," she muttered. Barry looked at her warily.

"Caitlin, what happened?" Barry asked softly. Taking a sip of her coffee to give her a boost of strength, she inhaled, before looking at him.

"Seems like the serum isn't just going to accept me getting sick," she murmured, noting the way Barry inhaled sharply. "It seems I can't have children."

XXX

Caitlin and Barry talked well into the evening and night, about anything and everything. Her fears of dying; her fears of leaving behind a world in which she didn't make near enough of a difference as she ought to. But, the biggest fear she had, was knowing, that even on the smallest chance she'd survive, she'd never find the happiness she was so desperately seeking.

For his credit, Barry just sat there, hand resting over her smaller one. He nodded, asked all the appropriate questions, made all the appropriate comments, and it still wasn't enough to ease the pain in Caitlin's heart. Perhaps he sensed this because his eyes were pulled back in tight pain.

"I wish I could do something to make this better for you," he croaked. She shook her head as a single tear slid down her fast. Too exhausted to do anything else, she tossed her coffee cup in the garbage and stood up.

"Let's go home," she said quietly, and they were onward, leaving behind her painful day to act as nothing more than a ghost of a memory.

Author's note: I've gotten ideas from some of you and I'm going to be incorporating them into the story. So glad and humbled you guys seem to like this story! I hope you enjoy this chapter. Xxx


	9. Chapter 9

Caitlin wasn't sure how long it took herself to get collected but it was nightfall by the time she was ready to go back to her flat. She caught them a taxi and Barry didn't protest. She was grateful. The drive back to her home was quiet with the occasional query about whether or not the driver was headed in the right direction. Caitlin hummed each time he pulled her from her thoughts but for the most part, Caitlin was locked inside of her head. When they finally pulled up to her home, Caitlin felt someone nudging her shoulder and opened her eyes, (when had she closed them?), to see Barry looking at her.

"We're home," he said quietly, and she wondered if he meant that he now viewed her home as his home, too. She was too tired to ask. She nodded, paid the driver, and got out of the car. As the two friends walked the short distance to her front door, Caitlin paused momentarily, tugging on Barry's arm a little.

"Barry?" Caitlin murmured.

"Yeah?"

"Don't tell the team. Not yet. Please," Caitlin whispered. She watched his face carefully as he thought over her request, before he nodded.

"Of course," he said firmly. A ghost of a smile brushed her lips but dimmed back down as quick as a flame going out, and she nodded tiredly.

"Alright," she muttered. "I'm just going to get to bed."

"Cait, you should probably eat dinner," Barry said. "All you've really had today is coffee."

She shrugged. "I'm not hungry."

"Just something small," Barry coaxed, but she shook her head.

"No," she said simply, and opened the door. By how quiet her flat was, she got the sense that Cisco and Harry had retired for the evening. Good. Two less people she had to paint a smile on for. She kicked off her shoes and shrugged out of her jacket, before looking at her friend.

"G'night," she mumbled.

"C'mere," Barry murmured, holding his arms open. As much as she didn't want to be placated, one of his hugs did sound appealing at the moment. She nodded. Folding herself into his embrace, she allowed him to anchor her in a way she wasn't even sure she'd be able to again, come morning.

They pulled apart. "Get some sleep, Cait."

"Goodnight, Barry," she murmured. She turned on her heel and walked towards her room, feeling his eyes on her back the whole way there.

XXX

Caitlin stayed in bed for three days straight. She used some sick time with the hospital and Barry kept Cisco and Harry distracted enough so they weren't pestering her with questions. Needless to say, she had ample opportunity to be sad. And, sad she was.

It was like there was this hole in her chest that had been carved away as soon as she found out she couldn't have children. Caitlin, despite her desperate attempts at squashing them down, had fleetingly gotten her hopes up when Miranda had called her into her office with her test results. Caitlin, though knowing better, couldn't help but quell the sliver of hope that her colleague had good news about her illness. However, not only did she say the illness was progressing but it had also robbed her of the ability to have children. Apparently, she'd be giving penance until the illness took her away.

Caitlin hadn't noticed she was crying until her pillow grew damp. Reaching a hand to her cheek, she swiped at it mutely to find it stained with tears. Sighing, she didn't bother to stop them. Just then, there was a soft knock at her door, and Caitlin nearly groaned. Barry and Cisco had taken it upon their shoulders to get her out of bed. So far, their attempts had been futile but it wasn't for a lack of trying. Wondering which one was on the other side of her door this time, Caitlin ignored the knocking by placing her pillow over her head and crying under the safety of that. When her bed dipped suddenly, she looked up to spot Barry frowning at her.

"How'd you get in my room?" Caitlin demanded.

"Phased," he said.

"I could've been changing or something. Have some respect for my privacy," she snapped, but he seemed unperturbed by her attitude.

"Yet, you're in bed, curled around a pillow, having not moved for the past three days if I had to guess," Barry said nonchalantly.

"Except to go to the bathroom," Caitlin commented dryly, wondering what he was doing in her bedroom in the first place. As if reading her thoughts, he cleared his throat.

"You're going to get out of bed now and show Cisco you're still apart of the land of the living, Cait," he said firmly, getting up and pushing her curtains open. Caitlin gasped from the offensive sunlight and placed the pillow more firmly over her face.

"No," she replied, voice muffled. The pillow was off her face the next moment and she made wild attempts at snatching it back from Barry.

"Barry," Caitlin hissed.

"Caitlin," Barry parroted.

"I don't want to get out of bed," she said.

"Well, too damn bad. You've got a best friend worried about you," he reiterated. "Actually, you have a whole team worried about you."

"You guys knew what you were signing up for when you came out here," she muttered. "Tell me, which part isn't living up to vacationing in Europe extraordinaire? The fact that I'll most likely die or the fact that on the off chance I do end up living, I can't have children and am now just existing?"

"You can be as ugly to me as you want; I'm still going to fight for your happiness and health," Barry said.

"It's better if you just go home," she whispered, fight drained out of her as another painful thought hit her.

"Better for who? For you? So you can give up on yourself completely? What about Mia? What about the hospital? What about every person's life you've changed for the better?" Barry demanded, and Caitlin wanted to shake him.

"I'M DYING!"

"No, you're giving up. There's a difference," Barry softened his tone as soon as she started shouting. However, if he thought that was going to calm her down, he had another thing coming. She flew out of the bed before she had a chance to register what she was doing and began shoving him against his chest. For his part, he accepted the beating.

"I'm dying, Barry, and there's nothing you can do about it!" Caitlin screamed.

"Is that what you would want to hear from Mia?" Barry asked quietly, and that brought Caitlin to a standstill.

"What?" Caitlin demanded.

"I said, is that what you would want to hear from Mia? That she was dying and there was nothing you could do about it?" Barry repeated. She exhaled in one big whoosh, fight draining out of her for a second time as she thought about Mia. The young teenager who had so much awful stuff thrown her way but still managed to smile every day at the hospital. Caitlin bit her lip.

"No," she whispered, clenching Barry's shirt with her fingers.

"Then don't expect me to want to hear it from you," he said firmly, and Caitlin nodded.

"As for having children, get a second opinion. Hell, a third and fourth if you have to. Your colleague is not the only doctor who can run those kind of tests," he reminded her.

"I just don't know if I can get my hopes up only to face crippling disappointment," she muttered.

"It's only crippling if you let it become crippling. Be the Caitlin Snow I know. Be the woman I'm proud to call my friend," Barry said in steely voice. Caitlin looked at him and noticed a fire dancing in his eye. He only had that look in his eye when it came to protecting those he cared about. She recognized that no matter how hard she fought him, he was still going to be standing by her side. Nodding a little, she inhaled shakily, wiping at her face mutely.

"Thank you," she murmured.

Dropping a kiss to her forehead, Barry hummed.

"Anytime, Dr. Snow."

Author's note: So this was more of a filler chapter because I'm about to start exploring their relationship outside of friendship. Hope you like this chapter and as always, let me know your thoughts on anything you want to see! Xxx


	10. Chapter 10

The next morning brought the first time Caitlin felt like getting out of bed since finding out she couldn't have children. Some part of her recognized Barry played a small part in that, too. She just hoped he knew how grateful she was for his ever-consistent loyalty. After pulling a sweatshirt on over her tank top, Caitlin brushed her teeth and washed her face, before navigating her way out of her room and into her kitchen. Predictably, she was the first one awake.

Caitlin turned on the coffee pot, making sure to brew it nice and strong, before taking out the ingredients for French Toast. If she was going to keep her promise to Barry that she would truly fight her illness, then she had to start by doing right by herself. And, that meant eating more often than not. Soon, the smell of the batter filled her kitchen, as did the dripping of the coffee pot, and the other members of her team began to make their way into the kitchen. Cisco, the last to arrive, stared dumbly at his best friend.

"Caitlin Snow out of bed and gracing us with her presence? Grab the paddles, doc, I've died of shock," he gasped. It was eerily quiet for a beat, before he realized what he said. Holding his hands up, he started speaking again.

"That…that was a stupid and inconsiderate th-," he began but Caitlin interrupted him by giggling.

"Cisco, such a flare for the dramatics," she teased her friend, ruffling his hair. He swatted her hands away, sighing in relief. A smile quirked his lips upwards as he glanced at the skillet she was hovering around.

"French Toast?" Cisco asked, sniffing in approval, and she nodded.

"Enough for all of us," she replied, flipping what was currently her third stack of toast. Just then, the coffee beeped, and Caitlin glanced at Barry.

"Barry, could you just pour the coffee? I'm kind of busy," she said, hands working in tandem with both the spatula and new round of batter she was pouring onto the sizzling skillet. She noticed Barry nodding his head out of her peripheral and flashed him a grateful smile. Cisco and Harry set about getting plates and cutlery to set the table with just as Caitlin was sliding the last stack of French Toast off the skillet. She plated it up on the plate she had already set aside and, snagging the syrup out of the fridge, moved to the table where her three colleagues were waiting.

"Enjoy," she said simply, spearing a piece of the toast with her fork. The group talked as they ate their way through the breakfast at a leisurely pace. Caitlin found herself feeling immensely grateful for moments like these, when she was surrounded by good friends who loved her. Trying not to think about how long she had left to be surrounded by them, she swallowed discreetly, before taking a sip of her still cooling coffee. Perhaps Barry could sense she was lost in her thoughts, or perhaps, he was simply a good person, but either way, she found his hand coming to rest on hers' underneath the table.

"So," she began, clearing her throat a bit. "What's on the agenda for today?"

"Well, Mr. Ramon and I are going to go into town to see if we can find some more supplies we need, Snow," Harry said in his usual quiet way. She nodded, looking at Cisco.

"What all do you need?" Caitlin asked.

"Some needles, to draw blood with, and then some oxygen tanks," Cisco replied. Caitlin thought about it for a moment.

"I'm sure I could persuade the hospital to give some to us," she said, but Cisco was shaking his head.

"No, no. This is going to come from Harry and myself. You already do enough at the hospital and for the hospital; the hospital doesn't need to be bombarded with our requests," he said.

"But-," Caitlin began.

"It's fine, Caitlin," Cisco reiterated, smiling kindly at her. She assessed him for a moment before nodding and dropping the subject. Breakfast finished soon after that, with everyone helping to clear up. Though, Barry had suggested he could do it in much quicker and efficient way. The other three just rolled their eyes and continued on, deciding to ignore him for the time being. Once the kitchen was immaculately clean once more, Cisco and Harry excused themselves for their day out on the town. Caitlin looked at Barry when it was just the two of them.

"What are your plans for the day?" Caitlin asked softly. There was something inside Barry's orbs; a burning intensity unlike anything she had ever seen before. However, when he answered, his voice was casual.

"Just make sure you're alright and maybe get us out of the flat for a bit, too. If you're up for it, I mean," he murmured. She thought about it. The past three days she hadn't seen or done anything but in the confines of her bedroom. The simple breakfast in the kitchen alone seemed to bring some life back into her. Pondering something for a moment longer, she smiled.

"I have an idea," she said mischievously, leaving her friend to just quirk an eyebrow at her.

XXX

"Caitlin, I really, really don't know how to skate," Barry emphasized for the millionth time since she had convinced him to get on the ice rink with her. She had looped her arms around his, allowing him to hold onto her in a near death-like grip while he, (unsuccessfully), tried to find his footing. She giggled.

"Fastest man alive can't handle a little ice?" Caitlin quipped, teasing smile tugging at her lips.

"It's not that I-I can't," he began, feet stumbling underneath him. Caitlin thought he, (adorably), looked like Bambi. "It's just that I haven't been since I was a kid. With Joe and Iris."

Caitlin nodded her head, humming slightly.

"I haven't been since my father took me as a little girl," she murmured. "It was one of my most favorite traditions for Christmas. We'd always go on Christmas Eve and spend two- or three-hours skating, just the two of us. It was our own little world."

At some point during her speech, Barry's fingers had loosened significantly and his hands were barely grasping her forearms now. She still kept a secure hold on him, though. For her own peace of mind.

"I wish I could've met your father," he murmured, and Caitlin blinked, swallowing against the harsh lump that had wedged itself in her throat. Once it had dissolved, she smiled.

"He was a good man," she replied.

"He must've been, if he raised a daughter as amazing as you," he agreed.

Caitlin looked at him, noting the intensity in his eyes again. Something, almost imperceptibly, was shifting between them. She knew that it had started when he first showed up at her door those few weeks ago, if she was being honest with herself.

"Barry," she exhaled, heart beating rapidly.

"For once, Dr. Snow, don't over think things, alright?" Barry murmured kindly, and she nodded.

He cupped her cheek, warm breath fanning across her lips as he lowered his head towards hers'. She meet him halfway in a sweet, chaste kiss. He tasted like the cinnamon from their French Toast they had had a couple of hours before and coffee, and she wondered if that's what she would equate him with. Cinnamon and coffee. It was a good combination, she decided.

When they pulled apart, Barry wrapped his arm around her shoulder, and she his waist, and they continue onward, to wherever this new journey would lead them.

Author's note: Enjoy. Xxx


	11. Chapter 11

By the time Caitlin returned back to work for her next shift, she was on cloud nine. She knew that, while still walking on borrowed time, she had something worth fighting for now. Someone worth fighting for. Barry had always had the tendency to do that to Caitlin; to creep into every dark crevice inside of her and make a home for himself there, lighting up all the darkness with his touch alone. She sighed happily to herself as she walked into the hospital, getting out of the bitter cold.

As soon as she stepped into the hospital, she immediately knew something was wrong. Walking over to another colleague of hers', Caitlin caught her eye.

"Nancy, what's going on?" Caitlin asked, worry coating her tone. Nancy looked at her timidly, as if she didn't want to have to divulge the information she knew she must. Taking a deep breath, Nancy uttered the one word that had Caitlin running to her room.

"Mia."

XXX

Caitlin stood outside of Mia's room, leaning against the door frame as she watched the unsteady rise and fall of her chest. She turned to Miranda.

"What happened?" Caitlin asked quietly.

"She stopped responding to the treatment we were giving her," Miranda said softly.

Caitlin closed her eyes. Dammit.

"How long?" Caitlin asked.

"A month, maybe two, at most," Miranda murmured apologetically. Caitlin willed herself not to cry. She would do that later. Sighing, she nodded her head.

"Thanks, Miranda," she muttered. She pushed herself off the door jamb she was resting against and walked into Mia's room. She paused briefly at the edge of the bed and looked at her vitals. Even Caitlin had to admit they didn't look good. Just then, Mia shifted, and Caitlin looked at her as the young woman woke up.

"Caitlin?" Mia asked hoarsely, and Caitlin was by her side in a second, helping her drink some water.

"Hey, Mia," she murmured, helping her ease back onto the pillows. Mia looked at her with tired eyes.

"Give it to me straight, please. How bad am I?" Mia asked quietly, and Caitlin's heart ached. She didn't want to worry the young woman but they had always been honest with her, since the beginning of her treatment. Why should she start lying now? Sighing, Caitlin nodded her head once.

"You've stopped responding to the treatment, Mia," she uttered, and Caitlin watched her carefully for her reaction. Her eyes grew a bit sadder but apart from that, Mia remained unphased and it hurt Caitlin's heart.

"Oh," she whispered.

"You listen to me, Mia. We will find a treatment that works," Caitlin assured but Mia shook her head.

"Please, just don't worry about it," she mumbled, and Caitlin looked at her.

"What?" Caitlin asked, certain she had misunderstood.

"I'm tired of fighting against an illness that is clearly winning due to it's stubborn nature. I don't want to fight anymore," she muttered. Caitlin inhaled shakily.

"Hey, don't talk like that, okay, Mia?" Caitlin implored. "I need you to stay strong."

"I'm so tired of staying strong, Dr. Snow," came the tired reply. "I'm so tired of everything."

Wanting to change the topic, Caitlin bit her lip, thinking about what else she could say that would ease the anguish in the younger woman. "Tell me about your date for the dance. You said he's your best friend?"

That seemed to do the trick. Mia's eyes lit up considerably as she smiled weakly.

"He is," she murmured. "Andrew is fantastic. Never once made me feel different for being sick."

Caitlin smiled softly as she thought over Barry, who was doing his best to treat her the same way she was before she fell ill herself. "Sounds like someone I know."

Mia looked at her curiously, as if she wanted to ask her something but seemed hesitant.

"What is it, Mia?" Caitlin asked quietly, and Mia sighed.

"Is it bad that I'm not scared?" Mia asked, and Caitlin's brow furrowed.

"Scared of what?" Caitlin questioned.

"Dying," Mia whispered.

XXX

By the time Caitlin got home, she was in a foul mood, not wanting to talk to anybody. She stormed into her flat where she knew the rest of her team would be. Not wishing to see them, she slammed her door shut and headed towards her room, ignoring Barry as he popped his head out of the living room.

"Caitlin?" Barry asked in confusion, but she simply ignored him and walked to her room, slamming that door too, when she got there. She sat down onto her bed, not bothering changing out of her work attire, and thought over her day. Mia, her undoubtedly favorite patient, had stopped responding to treatment and seemed to accept her fate. Just like that. Not willing to put up a fight any longer. Sighing, Caitlin ran her fingers through her hair in frustration and groaned when she pulled out several strands.

"Damn," she muttered, looking at the hair that had wrapped themselves around her fingers. Just then there was a soft knock at her door.

"Cait?" Barry called through and she closed her eyes.

"Please, I want to be left alone," she replied. The door opened a moment later and she sighed.

"I can't do that, sweetheart. Not when I know you're upset about something," he murmured, walking into her room and sitting down on her bed. His eyes fell to her fingers, which were still held out in front of her, but instead of commenting on the hair that she had pulled out, he looked back at her.

"What happened?" Barry asked quietly. Caitlin felt tears smarting her eyes; tears that had been threatening to fall ever since Nancy had told her that Mia stopped responding to treatment.

"Nothing," she said brusquely. Barry sighed, placing his hand on her shoulder – Caitlin fought off the impulse to shove it off. She was in no mood to be placated.

"Please, Caitlin, let me in. You don't have to fight things on your own anymore," he murmured. Caitlin inhaled shakily. She knew he was right, knew she didn't have to face her struggles on her own anymore. Didn't make opening up to another person any easier. But, she had to try. She needed someone to know about the multitude of emotions coursing through her. Pushing down the lump that had lodged itself in her throat, she nodded.

"Remember that patient of mine, Mia?" Caitlin began, and Barry placed a firm hand on her lower back, rubbing soothing circles as he nodded.

"Yeah," he said softly.

"She stopped responding to treatment," Caitlin whispered.

"I'm so sorry, sweetheart," Barry murmured.

"The worst part? She said she's not even afraid of dying," Caitlin laughed bitterly. "She's a kid, Barry. A kid! She shouldn't have to be worried about dying in the first place. She should be looking forward to going to her prom, with her best friend whom she likes, and the only worries she should be having is if her heels are going to rub blisters onto her feet! I hate this. I hate this!"

Barry didn't hesitate to pull Caitlin into his arms and she initially fought the action.

"Don't, baby, don't," he murmured, and suddenly, she collapsed against him, fight drained out of her. She bunched up his shirt between her fingers and finally let the tears she had been holding back fall freely.

"And you want to know the worst part?" Caitlin hiccupped. "I know that's going to be me in a handful of months and I'm terrified. I, who have has had more life than Mia, am more terrified of dying than she is."

Barry sat there, letting her get her crying out until she had it under control. Then, he pulled back, placing his lips against her forehead.

"We're going to fight for Mia, and we're going to fight for you. I swear, Caitlin," he promised. She nodded, suddenly exhausted.

"Alright," she murmured. "Alright."

Author's note: Enjoy. Xxx


End file.
